Love Will NEVER Be Enough

You know what I think causes people, girls in particular, to harden themselves or to become guarded?

The fact that they loved someone with all the had; trusted that the person they loved, loved them for who they are (were) and for what they had to give and it turned out that....it wasn't enough. Maybe they loved to easily or weren't good judges of character but that doesn't change the facts or their belief, that if the person liked them as person and they were loving and accepting in return, that they never should have been hurt. The person who claimed to have loved them shouldn't have lied to them, whether by direct lying, omission or half-truths.

Love really and truly isn't enough! There has to be equal parts love, respect, and concern for the other person's feelings for a relationship to work. That's probably why people that are friends first end up in lasting relationships. We are a lot less inclined to hurt our friends because we have gotten to know them enough that we care deeply about their feelings and we also know the things that would be considered hurtful to them. Love all by itself isn't enough!

That's part of what helps build those feelings of doubt and insecurity; the knowing that you can give a person your whole heart and some times without a moments pause they will do things that shatter it to dust. We care so little about the person we are in a relationships with feelings. We hardly ever stop to think how we would feel on the receiving end of what we are about to do, and that's why love isn't enough! There has to be a willingness that becomes almost instinctual to put the person's feelings before our own for it to last, for it to work. If that isn't the case then it isn't real, it's just not! So there it is, my standard of measurement for knowing if I'm ready to go all in, at least one measurement. I have to have other measurements because, I'm someone who knows it is possible to love someone with every fiber of your being without the barest hint that they even give a damn about you as human being. I give that consideration naturally. Because I know pain, real soul bleeding pain, the kind that when your heart breaks it literally physically takes your breath away. The kind of pain that has you forgetting when you last ate. The kind of pain that turns you into an empty shell, going through routine motions.
I truly hope I would never cause anyone even a tenth of that pain, but I did. And at times I still try to justify it but the truth is, I only considered his feelings as an after thought. Nothing was ever more important than my own feelings, in both family and non-family relationships, which made me a beyond selfish ass person. With that understanding I have never again and I will make ever attempt to never again do that, but what does it mean for my ability to believe in lasting love? Are my scars too deep? Does not knowing or having witnessed a single marriage that has not been infected by infidelity make me a un-trusting, cynical, once upon a time hopeless romantic who will never truly FALL in love again? Will my insecurities always plague me? Will I ever be loved the way I was once capable of loving or be capable of loving that way again?
I would love and cherish answers to these questions.