MY CHOICE??

I have always heard that men and women have a tendency to date or be attracted to people that are like their parents, and as with all superstitions or saying that I have heard throughout my life I filed it away under "rules I wouldn't submit to" and moved on. However, as I inventory the people that I have dated and the people I am currently attracted to I have come to the conclusion that they are in certain ways very much like my dad. Now for some women this concept may not be such a bad idea, for those who loved their daddies and always wanted to marry a man like their father then I'm sure the realization that they really do date men that are comparable to their fathers is WONDERFUL! However, if your dad/father is a liar who you have very little trust and faith in then the thought that those are the type of men you date and/or attract is very...disheartening. According to some studies that I have read, women who have positive relationships with their fathers during childhood are more likely to be attracted to men like their father and women who did not have positive relationships during childhood were not as likely, and despite my current feelings about my dad my childhood relationship with him was great. And that is basically how my relationships with guys have gone, they start of great and then turns out to be a real ass-hole. It is not the ass-hole part that is such a problem either, that I usually find funny, but its the lying, the dishonesty, etc. that is what I really can't stand.

Here is the part of the matter that concerns me the most, how much control do we have over who we date or are attracted to? I mean it is not like I go out and say "let me find a guy that reminds me of my dad" or "this guy reminds me of my dad I think I like him." But lately I have noticed that even when I know I can't trust a guy that does very little to deter my attraction to him. It does often keep me from pursuing anything of a serious nature but I still find myself liking them or remaining in some type of contact with them. But WHY, do I attract those guys?? Am I doing it subconsciously? Am I pick guys we are more likely to be liars and untrustworthy? And if I am, how do I stop?

It seems that the most obvious answer would be to talk to a guy who is "not my type" but I usually chose guys based on very swallow standards - their looks. As far as I know liars don't look a certain way, and there is no way of determining that someone is a habitual liar, at least not by looking at them, and I don't have a specific type of guy I'm attracted to, so what's the damn deal? How do I stop this attraction to guys that are "like" my dad? So far I have no idea, but I will continue to contemplate the matter.

NO Expectations, no Disappointments

There is a lot to be said for expectations, they can create a lot of hope and feelings that can cause great hardships when the reality is less then the expectation. So the question is, is it good to have expectations? When considering the concept in its totality your initial reaction might be yes. Because most people assume that if you do not have any expectations you will settle for anything or that it in some way lessen your ability to appreciate when things turn out for the better. However, I would argue that if you avoid expectations you avoid disappointment - at least in most cases - because you have not allowed your self to put any energy into the situation or person. It has been my experience that when you do not have any proclivities about a particular situation, person, event, etc. then you are less likely to get your feelings hurt or be disappointed when things do not turn out the way you want them to.
Life already is too unpredictable and unfair to have things be more disappointing by having expectations. It is not my contention that all expectations are bad or useless, just the majority of them. I am a sports fanatic and I always EXPECT my team to win. I EXPECT that my friends and family are going to be there for me when I need them, and I EXPECT to succeed at everything I do (and there is usually no let down there!) but in each of those cases the chance to be disappointed is there. And there are no circumstances I can think of that tilt the odds in favor of not being disappointed. I think of myself as a realist which often times comes off to some as pessimistic, but that says more about reality than it does about my views. I would be in favor of believing the best in people and situations but often times you are let down. Here is the only tipping in the scales. Faith! I have faith that God will give me the tools I need to help me change my situation, endure the disappointments, and trust in myself. Now, is that the same as an expectation -not in my mind- can I have faith and not have expectations? Yes, I can. What I cannot do is stop myself from having expectations. Try as I might I cannot in every situation not expect some type of outcome or scenario, which probably has more to do with the fact that I want to control the happenings around me and prepare myself for the outcomes I see as most likely. But try as I might and wish as I may to not expect: someone to be as I imagine, to have a good time on the weekends in smallville, to not miss or think about someone that hurt me, or whatever at some point in some cases, expectation will creep in and the energy I have used and the emotions I have spent on "what could be" will take its toll when it does not turn out the way I expected.