SEX IS A WEAPON...or SEX AS A WEAPON?

Recently I read The Video Vixen by Karrine Steffans and several of the emotions she expressed made me think about and question my intents when it comes to negotiating sexual encounters. What factors play into a women using sex as a means of dealing with emotional issues?

Me personal I have almost no emotional connection when it comes to sexual encounters, for me it is a natural desire that should not be denied, like eating when your hungry. It's what you should do to give your body the nutrients it needs. And I'm not saying that my views about sex are bad or wrong, being able to have casual (protected) sex without needing some emotional investment is not a bad thing. But the other side of the equation is that I REFUSE to develop an emotional connection to anyone I am intimate with. Often times, if I did not have a pre-established relationship with the person to begin with, I often cuts communication with the person altogether after I seals the deal. For me, it is more about getting them in bed than getting to know them. I mean if the guy is worth getting to know, their personality outshines my physical attraction to them, so I treats those guys different. But those guys are few and far between. So here is the money question, obviously my actions are not the norm for most women. But, is there something wrong with my logic? Now, it seems that from most point of views I might be considered a hoe, but this isn't the label given to guys who engage in the same sort of behavior. What I worry about (personally) is if am I using sex as a weapon, against myself. What if I am using sex as a means of avoiding getting close to anyone or letting anyone get close. Have I replaced emotional connections (to any man that is not a friend) with sexual pleasure. 

And then there are women like Karrine Steffans

It seemed to me that Karrine Steffans used sex as a bargaining cheap, she knew that the men she was interacting with would give her what she "needed" if she gave them what they wanted, which was sex. But often times her real needs weren't financial or material, it was emotional. She used sex to get attention, friendship, acceptance, "love," the money was what they thought she wanted. Sex was a means to an end. Which seem to be the context most women are having sex under; they only have sex for what they can get out of it, and maybe that has more to do with the fact that 90 plus percent of women in the WORLD do not achieve or receive an orgasm out of sex. Under that circumstance it makes sense, but for me I would rather be getting pleasure out of sex then something financial, material, or even emotional. Its SEX!! However, there is something to be said for the use of sex as a weapon, lets be honest, a lot has been accomplished because of the "power of the pussy," but that seems so conflicting. According to some feminist the ability to have sex on your own terms (regardless of what those terms) is real sexual liberation. According to other fems, having sex for any reasons other than pleasure, desire, and procreation is not sexual liberation, its a career and entertainment for others.

So...is sex a weapon or is it used as a weapon, and which action is healthier for women?
I have sex cause I like it, but my refusal to engage in "meaningful relationships" some how taints that pleasure in societal terms, and allows me as well as others to question my motives. But that is bullshit, unless I am using sex as a shield, which is and could be an issue. But what about women like Karrine Steffans, are the feminist who consider porn, stripping, and prostitution sexual liberation right. Or are the feminist that say sex should be used for physical pleasure and reproduction, and everything else is commodification of women right? My definition of a hoe is (and has always been) a man or women who only engages in sexual actions for financial or material gains and/or reasons other than physical gratification, and that a man or woman who has sex with multiple partners is just someone who enjoys sex. However, someone that does not have control over their sexual impulses, meaning someone who uses the excuse "if she/he throwing it at me, I can only say no so many times" is also a hoe. In my opinion a hoe is someone who prostitutes themselves. This isn't sex as a weapon, it is sex as a tool, and that is not so much my concern. My concern is those emotional whores/prostitues, women who use sex to avoid emotional connections or to gain emotional connections. It seems that this is sex as weapon, on that is more likely to hurt the one using it.

MY PLACE

"We all have a favorite place...my favorite place,...is the bathroom. It's the only place I've found that will let me be me." (Leoneda Inge-Barry, Body Outlaws) As I reflect of the massive amounts of information I have been reading over the past week, I asked myself a lot of questions and explored a lot of emotions about self-love, self-acceptance, who I am, what I represent, and where do I fall among the issues that I have been presented with (recently). The thought that I spend the most time "stressing" over is do people see me the way I want to be seen? The question in and of itself is frustrating because I shouldn't care how people perceive eve me right? For the past few years I have been living a life that most people think is way outside the norm, for a girl, and it has been both empowering and crippling. I am always trying to justify my way of thinking to others and lately I have begun to think that I am doing it more to justify it to me than to them. Which in turn has made me cling harder to "my place," my apartment. I live alone and it allows for some very interesting moments. I can be who every I want, act however I want, dress however I want, because I am at home and alone. The issue is, why is there a need for that security blanket, why can't I be as happy outside of my home as I am when I am at home, alone, naked and watching Sport Center on my couch, smiling at myself every time I pass a mirror. Why does that happy, confident, person change when I leave "my domain"? Don't get me wrong I'm still happy and confident but its different, very different. Outside those walls my happiness and confidence comes from a different place. It comes from a place of defensiveness, a wantingness to prove that I am me and proud of it. And I wonder all the time, is it just me? I love "my place," I love how I feel in "my place," I love how I look in "my place," but it is not the same when I leave and sometimes it makes me a very angry person. I use to think that I would get mean and rude because I didn't want to go to work or class or be around people who annoy me, but I have begun to think that maybe it's because I have to leave "my place." I have to put on clothes, be judged, be looked at, observed, talked about, conform, portray my beliefs. So is "my place" helpful or is it harmful, does it provide some false sense of self? Does the fact that I don't take Dat Gurl with me make me weaker or stronger? Does the fact that I don't let anyone see me cry, except her, a good thing or a bad thing? As I stated I love "my place" so regardless of the answers I am in no way ready to give it up, but how much happier/better would I be if I could take "my place" with me, or if "my place" was where ever I am because I hold something inside me?

So many questions, so much confusion, and so little energy to deal.

MY RANT

Ok so I feel like my first post should let you know the basic of my thoughts and views. I love me! There was no one before me, there is no one like me, and there will be no one after me! This is way I live my life for the most part and the approach I feel more people should take. In today's society people care way to much about what the hell other people think and what others have to say. Part of the reason I took a class on Body Image is because I have had my on struggles (and still struggling, please believe me) but I wanted to understand how other people view themselves as well.I mean I know I am not the only one who thinks that I am the only one dealing with BS. The way I see it though is that you gotta do you! I am a big girl, at least I consider myself to be, most people like to affectionately refer to me as "thick", that the nice way of saying I got a fat ass and big breast. So I have a special love for "thick" girls I think we are the best thing since sliced bread, but I do NOT go out of my way to make "skinny" chicks feel bad. Cause like I said I think you should do you!
The problem, however, is that society is telling everybody, especially women how to "do" them and it is driving people down right crazy. Women and girls are more emotionally unstable then they have ever been and as much as part of me would like to say it's a problem of weak minds, I've been there and the issue is deeper. I was told all my life that I was pretty, lucky, or that most girls wished they where me (by the way I'm convinced not conceded in case your were wondering, you better ask somebody) and I still ended up with an eating disorder and self-esteem issues. Needless to say I've worked through most of them, but it scares me everyday to think how easy it is to fall back into those habits. To mistake my working out to be health for working out to fit some photoshopped "idea." So....the motto is "Do you!" Like Money Mike said, "haters gone hate...let them (n's) hate!"