Recently I read The Video Vixen by Karrine Steffans and several of the emotions she expressed made me think about and question my intents when it comes to negotiating sexual encounters. What factors play into a women using sex as a means of dealing with emotional issues?
Me personal I have almost no emotional connection when it comes to sexual encounters, for me it is a natural desire that should not be denied, like eating when your hungry. It's what you should do to give your body the nutrients it needs. And I'm not saying that my views about sex are bad or wrong, being able to have casual (protected) sex without needing some emotional investment is not a bad thing. But the other side of the equation is that I REFUSE to develop an emotional connection to anyone I am intimate with. Often times, if I did not have a pre-established relationship with the person to begin with, I often cuts communication with the person altogether after I seals the deal. For me, it is more about getting them in bed than getting to know them. I mean if the guy is worth getting to know, their personality outshines my physical attraction to them, so I treats those guys different. But those guys are few and far between. So here is the money question, obviously my actions are not the norm for most women. But, is there something wrong with my logic? Now, it seems that from most point of views I might be considered a hoe, but this isn't the label given to guys who engage in the same sort of behavior. What I worry about (personally) is if am I using sex as a weapon, against myself. What if I am using sex as a means of avoiding getting close to anyone or letting anyone get close. Have I replaced emotional connections (to any man that is not a friend) with sexual pleasure.
And then there are women like Karrine Steffans
It seemed to me that Karrine Steffans used sex as a bargaining cheap, she knew that the men she was interacting with would give her what she "needed" if she gave them what they wanted, which was sex. But often times her real needs weren't financial or material, it was emotional. She used sex to get attention, friendship, acceptance, "love," the money was what they thought she wanted. Sex was a means to an end. Which seem to be the context most women are having sex under; they only have sex for what they can get out of it, and maybe that has more to do with the fact that 90 plus percent of women in the WORLD do not achieve or receive an orgasm out of sex. Under that circumstance it makes sense, but for me I would rather be getting pleasure out of sex then something financial, material, or even emotional. Its SEX!! However, there is something to be said for the use of sex as a weapon, lets be honest, a lot has been accomplished because of the "power of the pussy," but that seems so conflicting. According to some feminist the ability to have sex on your own terms (regardless of what those terms) is real sexual liberation. According to other fems, having sex for any reasons other than pleasure, desire, and procreation is not sexual liberation, its a career and entertainment for others.
So...is sex a weapon or is it used as a weapon, and which action is healthier for women?
I have sex cause I like it, but my refusal to engage in "meaningful relationships" some how taints that pleasure in societal terms, and allows me as well as others to question my motives. But that is bullshit, unless I am using sex as a shield, which is and could be an issue. But what about women like Karrine Steffans, are the feminist who consider porn, stripping, and prostitution sexual liberation right. Or are the feminist that say sex should be used for physical pleasure and reproduction, and everything else is commodification of women right? My definition of a hoe is (and has always been) a man or women who only engages in sexual actions for financial or material gains and/or reasons other than physical gratification, and that a man or woman who has sex with multiple partners is just someone who enjoys sex. However, someone that does not have control over their sexual impulses, meaning someone who uses the excuse "if she/he throwing it at me, I can only say no so many times" is also a hoe. In my opinion a hoe is someone who prostitutes themselves. This isn't sex as a weapon, it is sex as a tool, and that is not so much my concern. My concern is those emotional whores/prostitues, women who use sex to avoid emotional connections or to gain emotional connections. It seems that this is sex as weapon, on that is more likely to hurt the one using it.
